Still Figuring It Out!
On my most recent blog post I talked about the expectation that the older you get, the more confident you will become. I do believe this is true- some of the time, but it’s important to leave space for those less than confident moments and not to judge them. Today’s thoughts are a bit of an extension of that.
I’m currently spending a month living in an Airbnb in D.C. I’m close to loved ones and visiting with them as well. However, the majority of the time I’m spending is alone and exploring the area where I grew up since this is the longest stint I’ve been here (my total time here is about 7 weeks, splitting a couple of weeks staying with the fam) since the summer between my freshmen and sophomore year in college back in 1994. Since it’s been about 15 months since I’ve been able to see the fam because of COVID and I’m still training clients virtually and now fully vaccinated, I decided to take advantage of the flexibility and make this a long trip. It has been amazing what the change of atmosphere is doing for me mentally and spiritually.
One of the things I personally require is alone time which I also haven’t had much of since the pandemic either. I’m definitely blessed to have a joyful and peaceful living situation with my bestie as my roommate, but I have definitely been longing for some extended time to myself. Now, that I’ve been getting that since moving into the Airbnb, so much is being revealed to me in these quiet moments. I’ve really been doing some digging and soul searching and taking a look at some of the loops I’m still on over certain things. I’m 45 and I see how I am still repeating certain patterns and still hold some beliefs that aren’t serving me. It’s wild because I am fully aware of it all, but extracting myself from some of it is definitely proving to be more difficult than anticipated. One of my intentions during this time here is to research some therapists, so I can really do some deep dives and peel back some more layers that are out of my personal scope or advice of those closest to me.
The point of me sharing this is to keep dismantling the idea that once you reach a certain age, that things come easier or you should have it all “figured out.” I have to often stop myself from self-judgement on what “I should” get or “should” be over by now. Society will have you believing that certain boxes need to be checked once you are in your 40’s and beyond and if not, you have somehow failed and it’s simply a LIE. I read a quote on @newvintagebysam on IG that said, “It’s crazy, working on yourself never ends. You get better and then boom, now it’s new shit you gotta work on. You, just be unlocking endless levels of growth.” No, truer words ever spoken! That’s really what it’s all about anyway – growth. Not how many boxes you are checking about what you have acquired or achieved by a certain age. Are you still growing? Are you still curious? We all know acquiring “things” doesn’t guarantee freedom. The only thing that does that is personal, soul stirring growth, the only thing that is constant and the only thing that brings true freedom in my opinion. I wish for you to have that type of freedom and to stay unlocking those endless levels of growth!